Hindu temple gardens Kauai 2012

My little sister took this photo on our trip to Kauai's Hindu monastery. I think it's where i am in my head right now- many blessings, a calm pool at the center, some tumbling water, some rocks, and maybe a dead branch or two in the foreground.

Yesterday was a significant day in my mind, not because of any lamb tail shakes i give toward a prognosticating gopher (however remarkable that might be), but because it was one year ago exactly i did an awful, week-long stint in our local hospital. It seems so close yet so far away now. 

Psychologically, i think i'm still rattled, a glued-back-together china doll. Nervous. Fragile. My introspection leads me to believe i don't have the fortitude to survive anything like it again. Sooner or later i'll get around to telling you the few things i remember about the whole ordeal, but right now i'm only here to report that i spent the day playing hockey and for that i'm so, so grateful.

Hockey dogs

To boot, it was the first all-women's ice hockey jamboree hosted at our little rink, so that's pretty sweet if you ask me. Even more notable though, was that my sister proposed to Tami. They'd met there a few years ago, so my sister decided to pop the question right at the rink. 

I'm really happy for them. They're good for each other, but i guess the whole occasion has been sort of tainted for me on account that within about 12 hours, my sister told me she wants me to move out of the house. Ooooookay. Neat. 

Sometimes my sister gets riled and says things she doesn't mean. She was mad at me for telling her to stop acting like a hothead on the ice. (The irony there isn't lost on me.) She also called me ugly right about the same time, which being we're mistaken for one another on a daily basis, is fairly irrational (and also hilarious), so who knows.

It seems like it's kind of blown over- chances are it was a rage-induced bout of verbal diarrhea. Regardless, though, i think telling someone they need to move out of their home, at the slightest provocation is more hurtful than anyone really needs to be towards another person; even if it's your twin and being twins is pretty weird and complicated.

***

I'm still employed after a whole week of my new job, which i've been enjoying even more than i'd imagined. I got the whole disclosure deal out of the way and it went great. The manager and the HR guys were totally chill about it. Except... i totally choked about the Olive bit. 

So silly. I had every intention of addressing both the seizures and bringing Olive. No question it's in everybody's best interest to have her there with me. I don't understand myself sometimes. I guess i regressed to the days of 13 where pride and self-consciousness won out over most everything else; there are some cool people working there. I don't want to be that girl. I'm a dorkus. I just want to fit in with the cool kids for a while. 

So shucks, maybe i'll suck it up and muster up the courage to ask about Olive this week. 

Christmas Eve sail my mom took us on!

I still want to tell you a little more about our trip and post some more pictures, but sometimes i wonder if that calm pool in my mind's eye is made of molasses- slow, slow, slow.

Mwah, besos. Hope all your Mondays are most merciful.