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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Christmas Miracle and Why I'm a Schmuck Pt I

I really appreciate a voice of reason most days to reel me out of pathetic, self-deprecating dialogue; i'm guilty of it far more often than i care to admit, but hear me out that sometimes i really am certifiably downright lame:

See, it was the 19th of December and i was certain, 100%, positively, convinced, indeed, that the world was going to end. Boom. Done. Gone. And i didn't even get on here to warn you guys. Weak sauce! Totally worthy of schmuck status if you ask me. 

Regardless, this leads to my Christmas Miracle story (woosh- here we are finally!): i believe i mentioned before that my parents filed for divorce before we were born. We were still amorphous, diapered bloblets when the proceedings were finalized. They've refused to speak to one another since.

After 27 years of silent treatment, freshly landed on island, my mom and i hucked our luggage into the trunk of a rental car and we piled our jet-lagged bodies inside. My younger brother and sister were in the back seat. They both vaguely remembered meeting my dad once when they were little, but that was the extent of their first-hand knowledge with the man who is such a significant part of my life. 

Anyhow, i'd found that my dad and my step-mom were both  at his office in town, not far from the airport. I asked if anybody minded swinging by to say hi. Nobody objected, so we pulled up in front of the simple, plantation-style building and everyone humored my suggestion to come inside. 

My dad was still in back but my step mom greeted us with hugs and a giant bag of pistachios. We munched and made comfortable small talk. 

Then, like nothing, my dad came out, and, after wrapping me in a bear hug, greeted my mom warmly with a kiss on the  cheek. Just like that. 25+ years of hostility. Such a small, confined space, the two of them, and nothing but kindness. No fire, tempests or explosions. It was all i could do not to marvel slack-jawed. A sweet moment indeed. Dare i assert again, a Christmas Miracle? We think so. 

It was great to see my dad. I love that guy. I really lucked out in the parent department. I'm really proud of both of them. 

You can hate me more when i post some great pictures my brother and sister took and i'll fill you in on some more about the rest of our trip and how the subsequent interactions between my mom and dad went down.
Also, i start at 9 tomorrow, and i never did conjure up the guts to brief anyone on my medical history or my hopes that dog falls under the realm of "reasonable accommodation". I dunno. It's awesome, but it's a lot of fluorescent lights, fork lifts and concrete. We'll see. In any case i better get to sleep. Ciao. Te amo. Namaste. Nite nite. Besos. Ta-ta for now. Thanks again.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Holy Funkamole Someone Hired Me Again

Okay, so i didn't get right back to my updating like i'd hoped, but it wasn't for lack of encouragement! Thank you for your kind words, all of you who left and/or projected them. Sincerely.

Holy Kookamunga, folks, rainbows, waterfalls and unicorns- as of yesterday, i'm officially a gainfully-employed member of the national workforce! After multiple interviews, i was offered a full-time (with benefits) warehouse position at an employee-owned boating supply company here in Moscow.

I'm pretty stoked. It's not exactly the best use of my degree, but i'm happy keeping botany a passion for the time being. Blah, blah. Anyhow, i can wear Carhartts and boots and everyone i've met there is easy-going and fun. While it might not be outdoors, at least i get to spend all day running around a warehouse instead of parked at a desk somewhere or chasing somebody else's hair and personal grime around toilets and shower fixtures.

But crud, i still haven't dropped the seizure bomb and/or mentioned Olive. It already seems deceptive to have gone to all the interviews and everything sans pooch. It nearly spilled out every time they asked if i had any questions, but then i'd recall my attorney friend's advice, "Don't disclose, don't disclose, don't disclose." So, ack, i didn't.

I have orientation on Monday, so i suppose i'll be giving my own miserable In the Event of a Seizure orientation schmegmariffic spiel. No matter how many times i rehearse that one, my stomach insists on crawling up into my throat and threatening to join in on the conversation. When i most desperately want to convey a sense of reassurance, i most effectively fail to do so.

I just can't play it off; i dread seizures. Even while, compared to a year ago, things are fan-effing-tastic, they still aren't perfect. I can't assert with any confidence things will continue be okay. I have one nearly-perfect, luminous, shiny summer, where miraculously, seizures had little impact on my life and livelihood. Plus, winter has been mostly off the radar so far as not once getting hauled in to the ER (woot woot!). I cling to those calming, sparkly tokens in my mind's eye. Precious gems, i tell you.

As much as i'd love to continue operating in a state of denial, 
based on the last several weeks and the recent seizure climate, i won't see the other side of February before they find out on their own accord (the job is not solitary or isolated). And i haven't even dickered with switching drugs around yet. Who knows when i'll be able to get that taken care of now that i'm a regular Monday through Friday nine-to-five-er. (Assuming they don't un-hire me upon learning i'm not the positively reliable candidate they'd hoped for.) Rambling. Anxiety. Sorry.

Which isn't to say i'm not optimistic. I've grown to believe a life revolving around things other than waiting to eat shit is probably off in Kookamunga frolicking
 with unicorns and pots of gold and leprechauns in a mystical mistiness with world peace spraying out of the rainbow terminus like confetti; but lately i'm less sure it's the case. And that's huge.

In more good news: i found this neat Ted talk today. I'm always pleased to hear epilepsy being talked about in a non-sensationalized, non Hollywood light.

A cool TEDx talk about new epilepsy treatments!

Sheesh, i only intended to include maybe a paragraph or two of "yay i got a job" breaking news, but since all of that just tumbled out, i'll postpone, yet another day (and really, what's one more at this point?) But, i really am looking forward to finally relating our Christmas Miracle with you. Tomorrow? God-willing, yo espero. TTFN.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Oops here i am.

Oh, sheesh, so much things to say. I've missed you all. 

Every day i intend to catch up, but my words, for some reason or other, fail to materialize. I've never journaled or written with any regularity on my own volition and i mostly forget to take pictures, so there's the broad esplaination. 

Then there are insecurities galore that i harbor, conspicuous as white-sails in slips. I say the wrong things and screw up all the time. I'm neither discerning nor articulate. I blame frontal-lobe seizures for some of it, but certainly a good portion is just a part of my in-born constitution. 

I've certainly said the wrong things here already, so much that my apologies need a post of their own. They're long overdue, and i'm sorry. I'm a schmuck. You'll learn this.

I reckon i could really get into the habit of blogging regularly. Eventually. I enjoy and appreciate the hell out of it. I can't tell you how much i love hearing your stories, and having such a platform to share and solicit your brilliant ideas and advice. (And Andrea at A Farmer in the Dell, your recipes are to die for.) I apologize i'm not on the more enlightened end of the spectrum more of the time. It's an honor and a privilege. I don't take it lightly. 

My family and i enjoyed a rare sunny day in the Alaka'i Swamp
a stone's throw from Mt. Wai'ale'ale, one of the wettest spots in the world.
Also, i'd been hanging out for the last month at my dad's in Hawaii, so i was askeerd you all would hate me. (It was warm and great and mostly-sunny; you have my express permission to hate away.)

I have stories from my trip, comments and reflections on  your posts, and a host of apprehensions concerning my recent forays on the impending job-acquisition front. 

But i have three dogs that are going absolutely nuts, so first i have to take them for a romp out in that cold stuff.

Then i have every intention of getting back here and doing some catching up. 

Loads of love to the ever-so-lovely lot of you.