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Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Out of Dodge [Still in the Brambles] (pt. 5)

Okay, going back to the tail end of July/early August. It seems so long ago, but the repercussions have proven persistent and unsettling. 

Shortly after swooping onto the scene, my mom emerged victorious in her rounds with Dr. Bugpoop and co., thus freeing me from the hospital confines. She waited before driving home so she could accompany me to an appointment with my primary care doctor the next day. 

It's an hour and a half home and I only remember 3 specific details from the trip: my sister was driving, my clothes and schlonk were bundled up in a teal hospital belonging bag, and our mom wasn't with us. I have no idea where she went or when she arrived back on scene. I didn't have a great night; I don't remember boo about it, but I didn't get dragged into the hospital either, i know, so not a total disaster.

I was a little zonked out, but a bit less on the swerve by my appointment time the next day. I remember most of our dialog. At the end, my physician turned to my mom and said, "Yeah, I just lost a 26 year old with epilepsy in my practice. She died in her home a few months ago." As if our time in the ICU and a life flight helicopter ride hadn't already conveyed the gravity of the situation. Needless to say, I was not to be trusted to my own devices (per my mother, et al.) for a good long while following that consult. 

I regret bringing things to light that are anything but, yet, nevertheless, i'm compelled to share this screenshot of the beautiful mother to four, sister, daughter, friend (of mutual friends even)... 

Not sure if you can read it, but I'm grateful her family acknowledged epilepsy as the culprit. (Though there's nothing little about it, I wish people would stop capitalizing that shit. Fuck epilepsy. There is nothing proper about that noun.) Photos of her with her kids on her facebook page are gut wrenching to take in. My heart. *Those little hearts.*

Well, not as much progress as i'd hoped, but some. To be continued, (yet again).

May your Wednesday be wondrous. 

Love and kindness from Moscow.


  1. And love and kindness back to you. And peace.

  2. Some things are maybe better not remembered and massive cheers to your sister and mother - again! Of course, the biggest cheers to you for coming round and telling the tale!!!!
    That whole business of scraping by and making it against almost too many odds, life's blessings and the wonders of it all etc. I could be tempted to call it unique but mostly it's just grrr.

    Talk about bringing up a conversation piece at the appropriate moment. Doctors. Seriously. I recently made the huge mistake of allowing my adult daughter (home on one of her brief visits) to accompany me to another of my fancy day clinic treatment days (8hrs of gaga making infusions) and she - wanting to be meaningful and useful beyond the cups of tea serving bits - asked all sorts of learned questions about my meds and general outlook stuff. In the end I was comforting a sobbing 34 year old who had vaguely began to realise that her mother may be rather more mortal than others - statistically speaking. And there I had been looking forward to a cosy day in semi sedation with personal room service and *bonding*. I was livid with the doctors. And it took ages for her to stop fussing.

    Thank you for sharing the screenshot.

  3. I'm steeling myself for tomorrow's visit to the Useless Yet Nice Neurologist. Sigh.

    And that story of the young woman who died from epilepsy -- my god. It's such a hideous disease. I really do hate it.

    1. I hope the appointment went well.

      Yes, it's blood-boiling and horrifying that people are still dying from a disease that's been identified for more than a millennia. In reflecting on epilepsy i'm left simultaneously angry, heartsick and bleary with fatigue.

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  5. it took ages for her to stop fussing.

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