Yay, March 26, World Epilepsy Awareness day, where we collectively tell seizures to eat a dick.
I've been meaning and wanting to respond to comments but my laptop is fooked and I'm a dork at typing on my phone like this. I appreciate your comments and love you all dearly.
I've been a monster of a combative, attention-seeking, drugged out seizure muppet. Pretty mortifying.
I'm marveling. How it went from 4-5 years of staying out of the hospital entirely (save for a broken leg having fun, oops) to my current state of affairs is beyond me. Im grieving the mostly normal life I'd grown accustomed to and plans I was foolishly entertaining for a second there.
I could probably type a flood given a keyboard and an afternoon. At the same time I have absolutely no idea about anything.
Since December I've been waiting to feel something like baseline. Something like solid ground under my feet. (Okay, not *concrete*, but not mire or smagma or quicksand, at least. )
Any time i muster some inkling of faith in the system it seems to get trounced in a jif.
Got myself into a pharma snafu. Failed to ask for the right help at the right time. Didn't want to be going off seizure medications cold turkey like a dumbo, but lo and behold, there i was.
The hospital was the last place I wanted to be, but, i went.
I *just* wanted one, maybe two doses of fecking generic Trileptal.
Last I knew I was B.S.ing with a great nurse I hadn't seen in years. The doctor was going to let me call for a ride and let me go home. I woke up intubated having been Life-Flighted to a hospital in Coeur d'Alene.
I'm free now. Not sure how long I was there exactly. Got to see my cousin and her cute kids, so that was cool.
Don't know if I'll ever, ever manage to talk myself into getting help from any hospital ever again. Fair or not. If you could die from embarrassment, I would have, so you can remove that mortal danger from your hearts and minds, dear friends.
I hope you're well. Haven't caught up with your worlds in a bit, regrettably.
Please forgive my whinging.
Love to you from Wherever the Heck. <3 <3 <3
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| My cousin's son made me a masterpiece while I was hostage. My heart. |
Well of course I thought of you today most dearly.
ReplyDelete"How is she?" I wondered. And here you are. Oh fuck epilepsy. Fuck it and fuck it and fuck it dead.
Meanwhile- do what you need to. Please.
Wish I had a clue what I needed. Id give most anything not to be a burden on my friends, family or the system.
DeleteYour commenting here is like having a celebrity stopping in and sending love. You're a superwoman to me. I admire you and love you dearly. I'm ineffably grateful for you. Te amo, Ms. Mary.
Oh god, I'm sorry to hear this. I will be in Spokane in May -- any chance I could meet you somewhere nearby?
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this. I hope you keep writing.
ReplyDeleteWell well well Allison. I am heart aching over your recent tomfoolery. This is not acceptable. I wish I could be with you and hold your hand. Did I see that you have a new service dog? hope so! Life is fine here in Riggins, Lynn D and I drove to Grangeville for our first Covid vaccines. That was fun. I bought lunch since she drove. You inspire me to write in my blog. Keep writing. Keep hanging in there. Are you able to get THC? Love you to the moon and back, Jane and Toby the labradog
ReplyDeleteWhat a road you're on. Remember you are not alone, please.
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