Music's Like a Snuggie for Your Soul


Saturday, October 27, 2012

Ahoy and Lo Sientos

Gahl dang, last i posted it was still sunshiney, swimming weather and now it's blooping snowing. I didn't mean to leave you hangin (not that it was a real hardship for anyone ha), but my computer is gonzo (depressing) and also, i accidentally developed a Sudoku addiction so i've spent the last few months filling numbers into squares.

Not really, but i did learn to like Sudoku and i thought i never would. (Numbers fun? Who knew?!) I've been meaning to post forever now, but my life feels sort of adrift and jelly-fishish. It's been pretty great, relatively, but i'm job-searching again and that's always a little stressful. 

Just kidding- it's really f-in stressful! I mean, where does service dog fall into the realm of reasonable accommodation? It seems like every other job out there requires a valid driver's license (mine's valid, but i rarely drive). And, in all honesty, some days i sure wouldn't hire me. I'm a decent employee, but epilepsy can pile-drive productivity into the ground and mop it around the floor like a rag doll. I'd give anything to be a reliable, dependable, boring adult. Seriously.

And i have to go into interviews and assert myself and hope i can skirt the incriminating questions. And then i have to feel all bad and mildly deceitful if i actually get the job and have to disclose all that gobbledy gook after the hiring process. 

That said though, on the seizure front things are good. Not perfect, but i'm averaging a full-blown, ginless tonic-clonic every 2-3 months. If i could be assured this frequency would persist for the rest of my life, i could probably be almost stoked on that. 

Who knows what it is though. Sometimes when the rug gets pulled it turns into a wicked, gnarly, vicious cycle. (Seizures themselves render you more susceptible to more seizures, anxiety about having had a seizure can result in having more seizures, seizures can disrupt your sleep [lack of sleep is a huge trigger], work that you missed while you were busy carpe-dieming snowballs on you, etc., etc., so on and so forth.) Maybe the combination of the river and eliminating the school environment and related stress factors has done it. I'm nearly heel-clicking grateful for it, but at the same time tip-toeing around eggshells.

It may have been a nearly sub-conscious factor in my not posting for so long. I was so afraid to jinx it all. Since i last posted i've had 3, count em 3 seizures, and i know we haven't hardly gotten to know one another yet, but i've had weeks the past few years where it was so bad i was in the ICU for 6 days and remember almost nothing; where i was averaging 4-5 full-blown, generalized seizures a day. So *whisper* hooray! zippy bloopin doo! Fo rizzle my frizzles; not shizzling you.

My dear friend Elli and me rockin out on the carrot mic
as we prepare for a wilderness picnic. It was a
happy summer, albeit a bit smokey.

Anyhow, I have some river pictures and maybe a few more anecdotes from the past few months that i'll get up here. I just wanted to say howdy and sorry for the hiatus magnus. Sorry for such a me-centric post. Thanks a million for the listen. 


  1. Hey, good! And pictures to look forward to.

    1. Aw yeah. Lots of pictures. Thanks for stopping back in!

  2. I am so happy to come here and read your words, hear a bit about your comings and goings -- you're a fantastic writer -- and the music that blares out of your blog is wonderful!

    1. Elizabeth, you might just be the sweetest person i've never met. I'm glad you like the music. I debate as to whether folks will find it obnoxious or not. And i sure don't mean to be obsequious and shit, but YOU complimenting MY writing is nothing short of a distinct and downright honor. Thanks!

  3. You're back! (But I guess you knew that.) I was thinking you got lost in your garden, which might be a nice thing.

    I got addicted to Sudoku for a while there too. I had to quit when I started dreaming 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. And when I wake up and have to do a Sudoku. Worse was when I was at work and I got a call to go to a patient and I got pissed off because I was working on a Soduko!

    Keep up the me-centric posts! That is why we blog. :-)

    1. Ha, i'm glad i'm not the only one with a Sudoku weakness! Although, dreaming in Sudoku has got to be a whole degree or two more severe on the Sudoku Addiction Index. Whoa! :o) Do you experience Sudoku delerium tremens when you quit?


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